Whether you have a moustache because your a world leader, a television host, an old-time barber, or reliving the 1980s- the "stache" is the epitome of man. A simple strip of fur between your mouth and nose.
It says, "I ooze confidence, I can kill a wild boar with my bare hands, I can preform actual magic, I AM an aphrodisiac, i eat raw eggs like skittles, I am omnipotent,...."
Why is the moustache better than a beard? Your beard functions as an excuse for sloth. A beard says, "listen, I am lazy, so lazy in fact,....that I don't want to shave." A moustache shows that you are all BUT lazy. You have the patience, strength, and virility to grow a beard, then trim it in such a glorious manner, that the moustache becomes a work of art; a beautiful arrangement of strategically pruned follicles that only certain men can attain and display.
Why should you consider owning one?
- it will make you a more legitimate dictator
- during cold days, it says, "my face may be cold, but my upper lip is fantastically warm"
- you want to scare little kids
- you are the mayor of HOBOTOWN, USA
- flirting with a goat
- thanks to the "moustache ride", you become popular with the ladies
- its the ORIGINAL flavor-saver
- you will automatically become a)wise, or b)creepy
- it makes you smarter, especially when you touch it while in deep thought
- solidarity with your Spanish/Middle Eastern girlfriend
- allows the wearing of a leather studded cap and chaps in public
- instantaneously grants the wearer the ability to speak Italian, French, Spanish, or any other "romantic" language
- you perform better in bed
But,..... there is a problem, this is an official call to action. The moustache is becoming extinct! Yes! It is slowly disappearing under our very noses!
Moustaches have rapidly been declining since the mid-1980s. Moustaches have been around since the advent of the razor in 3000 B.C. during the Bronze Age. Here is a list of famous moustaches in history:
Charlie Chaplin
Teddy Roosevelt
Tom Selleck
Jason Giambi
Mark Twain
Flaubert
Burt Reynolds
Freddie Mercury
Albert Einstein
Hulk Hogan
Groucho Marx
Sammy Davis Junior
Marlon Brando
Borat
Ned Flanders
Geraldo
Dick Van Dyke
John Cleese
Clearly, I have left many famous moustaches off this list, but you get the point. Would Mark Twain have been one of the greatest writers in American history without his stache? Doubtful. Would Freddy Mercury have made Queen one of the greatest rock bands of all time? Hardly. Case in point, the moustache makes a man a more awesome man.
So why the decline? This is a perplexing question. Perhaps the advent of men's fashion magazines owned by women that have created a moustache witch hunt. Maybe men are becoming less manly, due to the hormones and preservatives added to the foods we eat. We may never know. I am certain that if the moustache was treated with more reverence and honor, we would see a reformation- an enlightenment that would in turn mean, world peace, well written novels and poems, funnier comedy, and better music to name a few. This is my call to action! Grow a moustache now, not later! Do not wait until you are an old man. Do it now! FACT- those who have a moustache live longer and have more meaningful lives(this cannot be proved, but it makes sense).
On a serious note, many of you may know that I do indeed, now wear a moustache. I have decided to join a global movement that is bringing much needed attention to cancers that affect men. I’m doing this by growing a Moustache this Movember, the month formerly known as November. My commitment is to grow a moustache all November to change the face of men’s health. Think "pink ribbon", but in hair form, and on my lip.
The funds we raise during our Moustache journey go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and the Lance Armstrong Foundation (LIVESTRONG).
What many people don’t know is that 1 in 6 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime and that testicular cancer is the most common cancer in men aged 18-35. Facts like these have convinced me I should get involved.
To make a donation, you can go to my link http://us.movember.com/mospace/40007/ and donate online using your credit card or PayPal account.
Ciao :{
OAC
